I realized the other day that if I were so fortunate enough to have any last words, they would likely be in the form of a question. I was never blessed with the ability to accept the ideals of life’s simplistic foundation and fundamental guidelines. Everything has to have a profound answer and purpose to its existence or an explanation that pushes the boundaries towards reinventing the entire way we view our meaning in this life. I question normal behavior and it’s profound effect on us and how it’s become a superficial concept that may no longer be permissible. I want to be able to grow wings and fly, but I can not. However, that does not detour me from losing sleep over a nonsensical fairytale that I think exists, but I’ve never seen. I have a motion picture that plays in my mind about how I perceive happiness and my desire to share love with another. Perhaps these details have set up such a high expectation that I am bound to fail. It has caused me to walk away from my own hope and become stepped upon for another’s.
Most love comes from one of life’s most selfish gestures; stemming from how YOU feel with another in order to willingly offer your companionship in return. Other than the love for a child, I have a very difficult time intertwining unconditional with love. Divorces, Infidelity, and distinguishing true love from conformity of comfort with reputation and familiarity. I have read a lot that love lasts merely a few years and then the concept of separation often becomes too unbearable for consideration because your life has been situated and based around/upon someone else. I hope I am wrong. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone so compatible and complimentary that we wouldn’t be able to achieve our dreams without one another. I think the idea of balancing another’s happiness for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. I think it’s one of the biggest factors in making a successful relationship last and I can’t even balance my own. Till death do us part and forever is something I take extremely serious and perhaps to all fault of my own. I can’t half ass the idea that there is only just one perfect person for me that can complement my life just as I can hers. I can’t settle for anything less.