My Relationship with Summer.

Me: I’m so sorry that I took you for granted. Please come back.

Summer: It’s too late. I’m gone.

Me: Is this all over that one time I stayed inside on the couch all day long in the ac to watch movies on TBS?

Summer:You were hung over! Don’t lie to me.

Me: I was, um-err, I um, had some bad turkey.

Summer:It was beautiful outside and you had well into the 10 o’ clock hour to show your appreciation for me. But noo.

Me: Please! I miss your warmth, watching baseball games, and our cookouts.

Summer:Cookouts!?? Cookouts?? You mean Chipotle? “For here”.

Me:What about all our trips to Jacky’s Depot?

Summer: Oh, no you didn’t! “Cones”, In a to go cup? Hardly a “trip” to get ice cream.

Summer:There was someone else wasn’t there? You’re with Autumn again, aren’t you?

Me: It was one football game. I swear. We only lasted to Halloween then I was sick of her. You think I enjoy raking her leaves?

Me:Come back. What about our matching flip flops and aviator glasses. Outdoor concerts and boat trips?

Summer: I’m gone. I’m done. You had a good thing.

Me: You’ll be back.

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Cut it out. Stop living a double life.

Around five or six months ago, I was getting my haircut and the lady asked me “So, you have big plans with your girlfriend tonight”? I answered almost immediately but my mind was going a million miles an hour with questions of my own. A. I didn’t have a girlfriend at that point. Why did she ask? B. Did she just assume? C. Is she checking to see if I’m single? “We do not have any plans tonight,” I said. I paid her and off I went. No harm, no foul. If a little lie doesn’t hurt someone, I find it acceptable.

The problem is, she did an exceptional job with my hair. I had to go back. Questions expanded little by little over the months. “What’s her name, Where does she work, etc, etc.” I eventually had to start writing this stuff down. Long story short, it’s kind of fun.

I’m currently dating a waitress I met at Blue Water Grill. She was in grad school part time and now we are living together. I drive her car because my Jeep Wrangler is in the shop. We’ve talked about moving to Montana but her parents don’t want us to leave. Marriage isn’t possible until after she graduates. I’ve qualified for the Boston Marathon and she plays the drums.

It’s amazing.

Well, I’ve got to go. I’m watching the Browns play the Colts with her dad at BW3’s.

My…I mean our, first dance.

I have this strange obsession that has consumed every minute of my always expanding mindless thinking. It’s like day dreaming about what you’d do with the money you won from the lottery, except it’s a little more practical. I have this immaculately detailed vision of what it would be like and I’ve made subtle changes for years that have probably led it to become very impractical.

I have planned my wedding dance in my head for the past ten years. It’s not a compulsive obsession by any means, but it’s definitely something that I think about when I have a few spare moments to disconnect from reality. In essence, that’s just as important – too often, life can be too serious and often overwhelming if you allow it to be.

I’ve changed my song dozens of times. How it’s played or sung. Where and when. On and on.. Although I’ve narrowed it down to a handful and remain devoted to Sam Cooke and “The Shining” by Badly Drawn Boy or “Marry Song” by Band of Horses, I’d never commit to one song until I’m 120% certain.

I figured that if I ever do get married, that it will most likely be our song (her song) I would meet my wife in a grocery store and we would both recall that Billy Ocean song that was playing that afternoon and we wouldn’t even have a choice. Fate would ultimately decide my song. I fear this.

I have to have a choir. It’s an absolute must. There needs to be a few string instruments and a trumpet. (Side note-after the vows, a gospel choir would sing “This will be our year” by the Zombies and there would be an excessive amount of clapping). I see this dance as a theatrical play, a chance to honor others and still let it be our moment. Ever since my parents told me when I was little that “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding was “their” song, I was fascinated. I wanted a song. It’s important to me. Music has such an impact on my life and being tied to a certain song for life, is a ridiculously huge responsibility in my eyes. It’s my tattoo. I can’t regret what I’ve chosen, because it will last forever..

I feel like “the first dance” should be shared yet have a very private and personal connection. Family and friends can be a witness but in reality, it’s all for us. Without further adieu, here is what I’ve planned out in my head for far too many years:

There would be a decent size platform and everything, everything from my (our) living room would be there. (including the cat hair) This would allow that private feeling that I desire. I envision family and friends getting a glimpse into our lives, a private moment that we’ve made possible for them to be apart of. We’d be in our every day clothes and sit down on the couch, reach over to the coffee table and open up a “memory book”/ photo album. The lights would dim and a screen would come down and show what we were looking at. It would be photos of our relatives. Our great grandparents through our siblings. Photos of their marriages, etc. Playing in order of time period and their wedding songs would coincide with the photos. I strongly believe that my wedding wouldn’t be possible without their wedding. Honoring them during ours would be a privilege. During this time, we would be getting re-dressed and eventually we’d become the focus. We’d dance in our dimly lit living room. The light would be focused on us and our song would be playing on a record. A scratchy, crackling record that allows a personal connection that a mp3 could never compete with. Our song would be a part of our lives forever and we’d cherish that moment and what it’s meant to unite us every time we hear it for as long as we shall live. The 4 minutes and 15 seconds of our song will someday surpass us, always living on and hopefully someday honored by our own children.

Every divorce begins with a marriage.

I DOn’t. The rise and fall of a traditional concept that is no longer necessary outside of the Christian faith.

I’m fascinated with the premise of marriage.  I know it’s something I wish upon myself someday, but I’ve begun to ask myself why. Lately, I’ve been searching for an answer that I truly believe doesn’t quite exist.

My grandparents were married for well over fifty years-never divorced. My parents, forty-and counting. My sister, over fifteen. By no means have I been dealt a bad interpretation of what marriage can and has offered me, and my life as an outsider. However, I can safely say that being married, doesn’t necessarily entail happiness. I just feel compelled to explore it’s importance and why I, among others, feel the desire to find someone to legally spend the rest of their life with.

Long story short….

Marriage, today, is completely irrelevant and unnecessary. It just doesn’t hold the merit it did a hundred years ago. Freedom, equality, and social acceptance have diminished the priority marriage once had.

Everything I can do in a marriage, I can do outside of one-unless my insurance policy, or the bible says otherwise. It’s a smoke and mirror fantasy that retailers have taken full advantage of by primarily brainwashing girls with at such a young age. The wedding industry is a modern phenomena that grosses over 40 billion dollars per year. It’s overshadowed the entire purpose of marriage itself. In fact, it doesn’t benefit a man at all. If anything, it’s a security blanket for females- as stated by Stephen Baskerville Phd “They can actually profit enormously. Simply by filing for divorce, your spouse can take everything you have, also without giving any reasons. First, she will almost certainly get automatic and sole custody of your children and exclude you from them, without having to show that you have done anything wrong. Then any unauthorized contact with your children is a crime. Yes, for seeing your own children you will be subject to arrest.
There is no burden of proof on the court to justify why they are seizing control of your children and allowing your spouse to forcibly keep you from them. The burden of proof (and the financial burden) is on you to show why you should be allowed to see your children.

The divorce industry thus makes it very attractive for your spouse to divorce you and take your children. (All this earns money for lawyers whose bar associations control the careers of judges.) While property divisions and spousal support certainly favor women, the largest windfall comes through the children. With custody, she can then demand child support that may amount to half, two-thirds, or more of your income. (The amount is set by committees consisting of feminists, lawyers, and enforcement agents all of whom have a vested interest in setting the payments as high as possible.) She may spend it HOWEVER she wishes. You pay the taxes on it, but she gets the tax deduction.

You could easily be left with monthly income of a few hundreds dollars and be forced to move in with relatives or sleep in your car. Once you have sold everything you own, borrowed from relatives, and maximized your credit cards, they then call you and take you away in handcuffs.

Everything we do inside a marriage, we can do outside of it, without the repercussions. Would your fiancé get married without an actual wedding? Is the focus of a life long bond more important to the both of you as it is the dress, flowers, and reception hall? I hold the idea of marrying someone who is willing to get the documentation and look past the selfish concept of a traditional wedding. The average wedding costs over 24,000 dollars. How much does a marriage license cost? $50.

The buildup and anticipation of a “fairytale” wedding can be post traumatic after it’s said and done. Reality sets in and you can lose grasp of why you intended on getting married in the first place. Everything that costs anything is materialistic in regards to a wedding. If you’re not willing to save 24,000 dollars, get the marriage license, slow dance in your backyard to        Sam Cooke playing through on open window with a few friends and family over. Forget it. You’d literally be starting off on the wrong foot.

I’m not here to squash dreams. I’m here to diminish lofty unnecessary expectations. Divorce rates are at an all time high. Almost half of all marriages ended up in divorce and that would be even higher if children were not involved. Perhaps I’m scared. Scared that I won’t get married but even more scared I will. As I get older, I’m starting to believe in an untraditional bond with someone I consider my true friend. Love isn’t everlasting. It’s an emotion that intrigues you towards another in a passionate state that requires little need for a rational explanation. Staying devoted to one person, without any marital bond, social pressures, financial burden, or selfish agendas is more rewarding than any sacred vow. If I knew someone in my life could walk away at any given moment, but chose not to, that’s a bond that can’t be replaced.

Marriage was once believed to be formed as assurance of the paternity of a man’s child. The females role has dramatically changed. In the 20-50’s, males were often their only method of being supported financially, which meant getting married was not only a priority, but a necessity. The female often had an understood role in marriage, which was in support of the family regarding the entire family and the means within the household. On top of this, divorce, unwed pregnancy and living under the same roof, was hardly considered socially acceptable. The roles of women have drastically changed. They can support themselves and no longer need the support from a man. Which allows for more selective decision and in less timely manner. Roles in a marriage are no longer defined like they were in the past, which can often make it difficult to establish an agreeable foundation, the equality in marriage, for females, has leveled out, if not surpassed the male. Child support (married or not), along with custody rights, and abortion decisions, allow the scale to tip in matter that is somehow socially fair? Equality is anything but and divorce has become far too natural. If it doesn’t work out, or something is better, the dissolution of marriage can simply be resolved through annulment.

It’s all scary to me. The entire concept. Getting married for the wring reasons, when most of us can’t figure out what the right reasons are. I can’t explain why, but I tossed and turned all night thinking about this. Wondering if i am entirely off base. If I have such a horrible interpretation of marriage, that I’ll pass away in this lifetime as a lonely , stubborn, old man. That is why I wrote this, to understand why. I want to share my life with another, legally. I just desperately need to figure out why.  I’m searching for answers that I can’t experience for myself. However, It’s not fair to seek answers for something without feeling as if there is a consequence. The last thing i want to do is jump into something that wasn’t even a necessary means of expressing my devotion towards another.