My…I mean our, first dance.

I have this strange obsession that has consumed every minute of my always expanding mindless thinking. It’s like day dreaming about what you’d do with the money you won from the lottery, except it’s a little more practical. I have this immaculately detailed vision of what it would be like and I’ve made subtle changes for years that have probably led it to become very impractical.

I have planned my wedding dance in my head for the past ten years. It’s not a compulsive obsession by any means, but it’s definitely something that I think about when I have a few spare moments to disconnect from reality. In essence, that’s just as important – too often, life can be too serious and often overwhelming if you allow it to be.

I’ve changed my song dozens of times. How it’s played or sung. Where and when. On and on.. Although I’ve narrowed it down to a handful and remain devoted to Sam Cooke and “The Shining” by Badly Drawn Boy or “Marry Song” by Band of Horses, I’d never commit to one song until I’m 120% certain.

I figured that if I ever do get married, that it will most likely be our song (her song) I would meet my wife in a grocery store and we would both recall that Billy Ocean song that was playing that afternoon and we wouldn’t even have a choice. Fate would ultimately decide my song. I fear this.

I have to have a choir. It’s an absolute must. There needs to be a few string instruments and a trumpet. (Side note-after the vows, a gospel choir would sing “This will be our year” by the Zombies and there would be an excessive amount of clapping). I see this dance as a theatrical play, a chance to honor others and still let it be our moment. Ever since my parents told me when I was little that “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay” by Otis Redding was “their” song, I was fascinated. I wanted a song. It’s important to me. Music has such an impact on my life and being tied to a certain song for life, is a ridiculously huge responsibility in my eyes. It’s my tattoo. I can’t regret what I’ve chosen, because it will last forever..

I feel like “the first dance” should be shared yet have a very private and personal connection. Family and friends can be a witness but in reality, it’s all for us. Without further adieu, here is what I’ve planned out in my head for far too many years:

There would be a decent size platform and everything, everything from my (our) living room would be there. (including the cat hair) This would allow that private feeling that I desire. I envision family and friends getting a glimpse into our lives, a private moment that we’ve made possible for them to be apart of. We’d be in our every day clothes and sit down on the couch, reach over to the coffee table and open up a “memory book”/ photo album. The lights would dim and a screen would come down and show what we were looking at. It would be photos of our relatives. Our great grandparents through our siblings. Photos of their marriages, etc. Playing in order of time period and their wedding songs would coincide with the photos. I strongly believe that my wedding wouldn’t be possible without their wedding. Honoring them during ours would be a privilege. During this time, we would be getting re-dressed and eventually we’d become the focus. We’d dance in our dimly lit living room. The light would be focused on us and our song would be playing on a record. A scratchy, crackling record that allows a personal connection that a mp3 could never compete with. Our song would be a part of our lives forever and we’d cherish that moment and what it’s meant to unite us every time we hear it for as long as we shall live. The 4 minutes and 15 seconds of our song will someday surpass us, always living on and hopefully someday honored by our own children.

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