Happy. Grateful. Fortunate.
I’ve realized that I have created a misconception as to how I am perceived. Writing about heartbreak and sorrow is something that comes natural. It’s easy to express emotions for me that hide on the inside. In fact, it’s the best way to release these burdens and allow myself the opportunity to shine within. Sadly enough, hearing about others misfortunes has been granted as an antidote to making others feel better; about themselves. Like the news and country singers, its far too easy to relate to sadness then happiness. Happiness is very hard to measure, it’s full of shades of grey and sadness is far more black and white. I’m a definitive person that functions on specifics. Relationships, to me, are the definition of every grey that exists in this world. I can’t assume, or guess any longer and specifically not at this age. Trying to relate to others, whether its co-workers or friends, or something far more serious, was a tremendous blueprint towards building my own character. Hardships are our foundation towards happiness. We would crumble without knowing that heartbreak, sadness, and even death has the capacity to enter and leave our lives at any given moment. Nothing can ever prepare us for them, but it allows us to overcome them with time and the knowledge that life is worthy of failures if we are willing to acknowledge that laughter will always be around the corner.
Apple pies and picket fences. Baseball and puppy dogs. Kids and marriage. Every day I am very slowly learning to realize that happiness does not have any guidelines. Sometimes, society horse blinds us to what or where we should be in life. And to boot, at what age. It’s never too late to break the mold and understand that in others eyes you are classified as different because what makes you happy isn’t something they relate to; and that is why you are your own individual. Happiness is a state of mind and for me, I am usually searching for the ultimate sense of the word. Along my journey, I discover and encounter happiness everyday. What often separates myself from others is my uncontrollable quest to find all kinds of happiness in everyone or everything my life path crosses. Being content is a lazy excuse to not take the chance of discovering yourself. That’s a reason divorce has become probable and no longer possible. You can’t accept your fate because you’re scared life will pass you by. Am I scared to die? No. Am I scared that when I die I may not have achieved everything I had hoped to? Yes. It’s a rampant search for me that scares me when I take any day for granted.
Lately, I have found this amazing ability to see something different and become astonished in a new way when I see or do something I have previously. The park, running, or better yet; people. “Same thing, different day” no longer applies unless you want it to. Every day I am given the chance to achieve my happiness. To love my black fence and rhubarb pie and understand that someone else out there does as well. Until then, I shall try to spotlight what I am currently capable of grasping. Use these as tools of happiness to better my life and others along the way. I’ve been told that I should be a writer, or photographer, but I want to creatively raise funds for people in need so they no longer have to worry about hardships if happiness is achievable with my assistance. Anything else is a hobby or sadly enough, an unwelcomed necessity. I can and will find a way to express my joys in the same capacity as my sorrows. However, it will not be from pen to paper. It will be from my actions that initiate from my smile and self pride that I know I have and always will.
I can mistakenly contribute to your undeserving assessment on who I am and how I feel. Publicly opening up my emotions and wearing my heart upon my sleeve is my choice. However, let it be known that your contentment is just my starting line. If that means that our paths may never cross, then that is something I have to be willing to compromise in order to secure my own self fulfilment. To the people in my life, you allow me to fall down and assist me in getting back up. That is why you remain a vital asset to me. I can never repay any of you for your non judgmental assessment on how I’ve handled my life to this point. That is happiness. Unbelievable happiness. Thank you. In the mean time, you’re more than welcome to a piece of my rhubarb pie. Hell, you may never even eat apple again.
(love and value all comments)